It’s hard to admit, but my first few months with newborn twins were not the most fun I’ve ever had.
And not having the most fun led to another feeling, guilt. I felt that I should be enjoying it. As the pregnancy got tough I’d consoled myself by thinking I would enjoy it. But there was a (large) part of me that wasn’t.
Maybe it was in my own head. Maybe it was society’s doing (personally I think there’s a lot of pressure on women not only to become mothers, but also to be fulfilled by that role). But the guilt added to feeling overwhelmed, anxious and just downright ill (I did have some post-natal issues) certainly made everything harder.
But what I cannot emphasise enough to new and expectant (twin) mummies is:
– it will get better
– you will adjust to your new role (as a mother, not necessarily a full-time mother)
– it does not make you less of a mum if you need other people to help.
Reluctance to accept help made things much harder for us at the beginning. I had all these wonderful ideas of doing it on my own. I wanted to do it on my own, I felt I should do it on my own. Even allowing a grandma to wheel the babies around in the stroller while I took a nap made me feel like l was failing.
What I realise now (perhaps since my hormones have stabilised) is that not only it is ok to accept help, it’s actually good for the babies to have other people around. If grandma wants to visit and play with the babies for an hour that’s not necessarily a bad thing – they have me the other 23 hours of the day. New people = new stimulation = new learning experiences.
Of course, grandma (and everyone else) has to stay within mum’s rules. But that’s a post for another day.