PMS sucks. It was awful at school. It was debilitating at work. But it is truly truly horrendous when you are a mother of young children.
Today I was struggling with PMS. I was irritable and felt lousy. BabyBoy and BabyGirl were whining, testing, arguing…..well, just being toddlers. On a normal day I might just crash at bedtime. Today I felt like I wasn’t going to be able to hack it. Today I knew I needed to take a day off sick….but there are no sick days in this job.
And then, BabyBoy stood up in the bath just as I’d taken BabyGirl out. Our rule is no standing in the bath unless I’m holding them. And fear of him slipping and banging his head, coupled with my raging hormones, made me lose it.
My voice was over-stern. It was raised. And as I watched BabyBoy sit back down and his face slowly crumple into a sob the guilt came thick and fast.
I’d lost my calm. I’d lost my balance. I’d over-reacted. And my little boy, my little boy who was just being a toddler, had been caught in the crossfire.
Damn PMS. Damn these hormonal fluctuations that wear down my patience and make everything so much harder. Damn this ridiculousness that made me lose it when my kids need me to hold it together.
Tomorrow I am going on a hunt for something, anything, that help with my PMS mood issues. It’s got worse in the last months. Something’s gotta give. And I don’t want it to be my patience again.