Let. It. Go.

Ah, Christmas. That wonderful time of year when families come together and all is joyful….until the inevitable foot-in-mouth situation.

I love that there are now children around again at Christmas. But three years ago I was teetering on the edge of post-partum depression, fueled by an epic family disagreement (one day to be the subject of a post). And in those first newborn weeks I made the stupid decision to get professional photographs taken of the newborns.

PMS and Motherhood

PMS sucks. It was awful at school. It was debilitating at work. But it is truly truly horrendous when you are a mother of young children.

Today I was struggling with PMS. I was irritable and felt lousy. BabyBoy and BabyGirl were whining, testing, arguing…..well, just being toddlers. On a normal day I might just crash at bedtime. Today I felt like I wasn’t going to be able to hack it. Today I knew I needed to take a day off sick….but there are no sick days in this job.

The Grandparent Files: In-Laws, PMS and the Flannel

My in-laws are good, worthy people. But boy do they rile me up when it comes to my children.

My mother-in-law in particular suffers from (a) a lack of tact, and (b) a lack of boundaries. On a bad day, I can silently (and when she has gone, not-so-silently) wish that she never had to set foot over my threshold again. On a good day, I can take a deep breath and let it go.

I had gorgeous babies…and I didn’t realize

Even before BabyBoy and BabyGirl were born, I was teetering on the edge of depression. The thought of having twins terrified me, because that wasn’t in the plan. When they arrived, healthy and perfect, I tumbled headlong down the rabbit hole of postnatal depression into denial, doubt, panic, resentment at not being ‘normal’ and wondering whether escape was an option.

False Expectations, Identity Crises and Denial

Reading some of the entries on this blog may give rise to the question, did I have postnatal depression?

Answer: yes. But although it’s over now (and I can truly say I am a happy mummy) the question remains, why?

Granted, I did have some of the risk factors associated with PND. These seem to vary from doctor to doctor but have been known to include: multiple pregnancy (hello me!), difficult delivery, type A personality, pregnancy following ART / previous miscarriage, history of depression, lack of support network, unplanned pregnancy, financial worries, overbearing relatives (hello grandparents), domestic abuse etc etc.

However, I think one of the biggest factors in my personal PND (in my non-medical opinion) was false expectations of parenthood.

7 things not to do in the first 7 days after giving birth

You’ve given birth. Your bundle(s) of joy are here, and hopefully happy and healthy. It’s a time for celebration. And reflection. And just about everything in between – those hormones of yours are going into overdrive.

Hormones take a long long time to settle down after giving birth (see my post Hormones). But the first few days (until you’ve gone through the ‘baby blues’) are particularly fertile ground for doing things that you’ll really really regret once you’re back to your usual self.

Marking mum’s territory

There’s something about becoming a mum (or at least there was in my case) which brings out the instinct to go all mama bear on anyone who gets too close to the cubs in the wrong way. Even if said person is not a hunter but is just intending to stroke those cute little cubs. So if you want to avoid a (verbal) mauling, try and avoid doing the following:

Those first few months

It’s hard to admit, but my first few months with newborn twins were not the most fun I’ve ever had.

And not having the most fun led to another feeling, guilt. I felt that I should be enjoying it. As the pregnancy got tough I’d consoled myself by thinking I would enjoy it. But there was a (large) part of me that wasn’t.

Hormones

Hormones. Essential perhaps, but how do they play havoc with the body…

Looking back over the last 18 months, I can now see how terribly hormonal I was. I have the utmost admiration for MultiDaddy for dealing with me. Wow, was I a mess.

The most hormonal phase (I now realise) was the first few MONTHS after the birth.

Amnesia

Once you (or your partner) gets pregnant you’ll hear a lot about ‘baby brain’ – not having babies on the brain, but the ability of pregnancy to make the most rational and logical of us absent-minded and forgetful.