Tag Archives: PND

Let. It. Go.

Ah, Christmas. That wonderful time of year when families come together and all is joyful….until the inevitable foot-in-mouth situation.

I love that there are now children around again at Christmas. But three years ago I was teetering on the edge of post-partum depression, fueled by an epic family disagreement (one day to be the subject of a post). And in those first newborn weeks I made the stupid decision to get professional photographs taken of the newborns. Continue reading

I had gorgeous babies…and I didn’t realize

Even before BabyBoy and BabyGirl were born, I was teetering on the edge of depression. The thought of having twins terrified me, because that wasn’t in the plan. When they arrived, healthy and perfect, I tumbled headlong down the rabbit hole of postnatal depression into denial, doubt, panic, resentment at not being ‘normal’ and wondering whether escape was an option.

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Bump-envy

As BabyBoy and BabyGirl’s first birthday approached I found myself thinking, maybe I do want another child (or another set of twins).

And now, as BabyBoy and BabyGirl
hit 16 months, I am going through a severe case of bump-envy (in the nice sense of ‘envy’).

This is an amazing turnaround for me. Continue reading

Desperately seeking an ‘out’

A long time ago (it seems) I was suffering from post-natal depression and overwhelmed by becoming a mum of twins.

And the most terrifying thing to me was the endlessness and relentlessness of parenting – that unlike a job, course, friendship….this wasn’t something that I could just quit.

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Why you’re never failing as a mother

I came across this article – have a read, it’ll make you feel better.

I’ve gotten a lot of emails from women saying they feel overwhelmed by motherhood. Not in a dangerous way, just in a “I totally suck and I don’t know how I’m supposed to manage all this” kind of way.

To this I say, you’re not supposed to.

If you think about it, if you had a baby thousands, if not hundreds of years ago, you would have had your mother, all your sisters (all of whom were probably lactating), and your nieces all taking care of your baby. They would help with food preparation, show you how to manage, and make sure your baby wasn’t eaten by a bear. Your kid’s feet probably wouldn’t have touched the ground until they themselves would be able to carry around an infant.

Back then the point of a child was to have free labour in the fields and someone to take care of your old ass down the road, and not much more.

As for the past generations that like to tell you that they raised six kids on their own and did it without a washing machine? Well, sort of. Keep in mind child rearing was viewed pretty differently not that long ago and you could stick a toddler on the front lawn with just the dog watching and nobody would bat an eye at it – I used to walk to the store in my bare feet to buy my father’s cigarettes when I was a kid. As a mother, you cooked, you cleaned, but nobody expected you to do anything much more than keep your kids fed and tidy.

My grandmother used to tell the story about how she forgot my mother at the grocery store in the early 40s. She walked up to the store with my mother sleeping in her carriage, parked it outside with all the other sleeping babies (I’ll let that sink in), went inside to do her shopping, then walked home forgetting that she’d taken the baby with her. She quickly realized her mistake and walked back and retrieved my mother who was still sleeping outside the store.

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False Expectations, Identity Crises and Denial

Reading some of the entries on this blog may give rise to the question, did I have postnatal depression?

Answer: yes. But although it’s over now (and I can truly say I am a happy mummy) the question remains, why?

Granted, I did have some of the risk factors associated with PND. These seem to vary from doctor to doctor but have been known to include: multiple pregnancy (hello me!), difficult delivery, type A personality, pregnancy following ART / previous miscarriage, history of depression, lack of support network, unplanned pregnancy, financial worries, overbearing relatives (hello grandparents), domestic abuse etc etc.

However, I think one of the biggest factors in my personal PND (in my non-medical opinion) was false expectations of parenthood.

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