Tag Archives: relatives

Routine B***h

Routines are great and, with twins, I would say essential.

My life revolves around BabyBoy and BabyGirl’s routine – when they need to eat and sleep and play. Now they are a bit more flexible as they’re almost a year, but particularly in months 3 – 9 things were tightly organized and I was always always trying to be ready for the next thing.

When I took the babies ‘home’ to visit my parents and sisters overseas for several weeks at 6 months, I was in hyper-organized mode. There was a system, and it just could not break down (partly a symptom of my PND, but mostly because I knew the chaos that would result if things like feeds were not ready on time). I planned and planned and planned. Everything was bought in advance. Areas of the house were rearranged to accommodate cots, changing tables, playmats, highchairs. I sent copies of the daily routine out via email before we arrived. I arranged for a nanny to come for a few hours every morning to help so that I could get some sleep, and a cleaner to come in twice a week so that my mum could spend more time with the babies instead of housework. The only downtime I had was an hour after the babies went to bed and I had finished preparing for the next day.

And I have just learned that I was classified as a mean b***h by two of my sisters. Apparently I was not considerate when asking them to help (particularly at dinner and bathtime, different tasks were carried out by different people) and barked orders.

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Four days with the Grandparents – lessons learned

We recently had a visit from Multidaddy’s parents – one set of grandparents. And although my in-laws and I have clashed over the babies, things have got better, and I survived their most recent four-day visit. So it seems a good time to consider how new parents can deal with their new roles vis-a-vis the grandparents.

1. Decide on your parenting philosophy (as far as you can) before baby arrives. This is difficult, but even small decisions can help. For example, when I was a baby the medical advice was to put babies to sleep on their tummies. Multidaddy and I decided that we were going to follow the most recent advice which advocates putting babies to sleep on their backs and we actually discussed this with both sets of grandparents before the birth. For things that emerge after baby comes (and there will be many) discuss them when you and your partner are alone, and then present a united front to anyone who challenges you.  Continue reading