Today I found out that my younger sister is getting married. And while this does not mean that I can neglect my mummy duties, it does mean that I have been temporarily thrown back into an old mindset.
My sister and I were always close, until last year. In fact, I didn’t realize until a while after BabyBoy and BabyGirl were born just how far apart we’d grown. I thought it was because my hormones had apparently turned me into a nightmare. I have now found out that she feels that my pregnancy put her life on the back-burner. She feels that she couldn’t get engaged while I was having the babies. And she blames me, with anger, for that and for ‘making’ our parents pay attention to me while I was pregnant and adjusting to motherhood (the first time in literally years that I have needed some parental help).
I’m hurt, and angry myself, by the way she has somehow managed to make me the reason for the delay in her engagement. Heck, I was pregnant, but why should that have stopped her? We all would have been happy for her – I think her fiancé is great. I’m also very upset that she has withdrawn from BabyBoy and BabyGirl because of all this – she has shown no interest in them over the past few months.
And I hate the change.
I’ve been the advisor of our (as in my parents and sisters) family for years and years. This role (perhaps wrongly) has defined me within the family. From a young age I became a parent rather than a child – I didn’t need (or couldn’t receive) parental help. I can no longer do my advisory role as much now that I have BabyBoy and BabyGirl to look after, but having it taken away from me (for naturally my sister will, and should, now look to her husband for advice) feels like someone pulled a rug from under my feet. Another adjustment to make, just when I’d got used to my new role as a mother.
Yes, today I am a hurt, angry sister who views the future sisterly relationship with trepidation. And somehow I still have to be a mother.